Where moth and rust destroy...

Does anyone here find themselves being increasingly drawn inward and away from the world? I do. Admittedly, at times I feel deeply conflicted and troubled by this, though I know it is the path tread by many, if not all, of those who have yearned and yearn now to seek out the Creator and to establish a relationship with, or a knowing of, the Uncreated One: God, YHWH, Allah, Father, Mother, Truth, Source, Presence... there are so many names for that from which we have sprung and through which we receive life and are sustained even unto, after, and beyond death.

I am new to these forums and am considering becoming a member, but I wanted to introduce myself first.

I have been on a winding and arduous spiritual journey for the last ten to fifteen years... Well, honestly, I have been on this journey all of my life, though I have become increasingly aware of it only within the aforementioned time span. This awareness of where I have stood, where I stand today, and where I seem to be heading has not only been conflicting and troubling, it has also been affirming and liberating in the most transcendent and indescribable ways.

Though I am intimidated and at times shrink from them in my human frailty and fallibility, the lives, ways, teachings, and infinite presence of both Yeshua and Buddha speak to and beckon me. (I consider myself a Christian Buddhist or Buddhist Christian - either way - with particular devotion to the Lord and Savior.) Also the lives, ways, teachings, and infinite presence of the various spiritual warriors and masters that have come after - saints and martyrs and monks and nuns... I find something so palpably real and appealing and overwhelming about them, meditating upon and contemplating them can both crush me and take my breath away. (the Desert Fathers and Mothers, and the writings found within the Philokalia, Thomas à Kempis, St. John Climacus, St. Teresa of Avila, St. John of the Cross, St. Ignatius of Loyola, Thomas Merton, Thich Nhat Hanh, and quite a few others are of particular interest to me.)

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” - Mark 6:19-21

This verse spoke to me this evening and I suppose that is why I am up at nearly 2AM writing my first post on this forum. I am seeking to both vent and for kindred spirits. This call inward, as I stated above, has been troubling and liberating and everything else in between. Ted Nottingham's words and teachings - specifically, those I have been exposed to thus far on YouTube - have been a balm for me during the past few days.

I wrote this about prayer a few weeks ago while reviewing a book on the subject:

"Prayer is a practice we are both called and fall into. It must become for us a daily act as essential and necessary as breathing, consuming a meal, or bathing; as rest or sleep; for it does provide all of those things - and much more - in overflowing abundance. Prayer is an act of withdrawal just as much as it is an act of ultimate liberation."

I feel I am on the cusp of something, though not quite there yet.

I look forward to meeting some of you. Sleep beckons...